I often wonder if I would ever be able to forgive my wife for her actions while she was actively drinking. I could not conceive ever trusting her again – not after the barrage of lies and deception that goes along with active alcoholism.
How could she do this to our family? To her children? To me !?
My wife was in and out of recovery programs with limited success. I would push, she would go – relapse. Repeat cycle. My wife finally hit bottom on our son's birthday – she was unconscious when I called the ambulance and was in the ICU for 3 days.
I had hit my bottom as well – and filed for divorce. I did not think I could have gotten the damage.
My wife entered an in-patient program, without my help, and left a new person – she had connected with her Higher Power and turned over her will and her life. She had finally come to believe that she was an alcoholic, no better no worse, an alcoholic.
It was during the early stages of my wife's recovery that I realized I needed help as well. I could not understand how my wife could be so happy – was not she aware of all the pain that had been caused? The damage to our relationship and our family? She was aware, but unlike me, she was able to turn her will and her life over to God.
As I saw my wife grow in recovery, my respect for her and support system grew as well. I started attending Al-anon November 25, 2005, and I was able to let go and turn my will and life over to my Higher Power.
The trust I never thought would come back returned. The pain I never thought would go away stayed.
Living in recovery, both of us working our own programs and letting go, has allowed our family to stay intact. For that I am grateful.