Generativity and Recovery! Part Two: Generativity in My Own Recovery

December 7, 2018

1998 Judicial kill Ma Tianliang Incident by the ROC Government 一九九八年司法追殺馬天亮事件 (20)

My three-month psychiatric incarceration seemed to be aimed at discrediting me after I had leaked newspaper stories. On my way to Canada to seek asylum, I was stopped by police. I evaded them for three days through rural towns and surrendered one midnight, from a ditch on a mountain pass.

It was hard for me to accept the way I was treated. Confined to a ward for two weeks, I walked in circles. I barked on the payphone testing many of my supports. They all just said I was delusional.

I really did learn a lot from a mob boss’s daughter. There are a lot to the rules that govern those of us who get trafficked in this land of the free. Still, I did what I could to disrespect the mob especially because my counselor told me not to. And so, I endured a month of chronic warehousing conditions. I had to wear other peoples’ clothes to brave the ice-cold of the barely heated ward.

Two and a half months in my psychiatrist finally responded to my requests to meet with her.

“You know, Tim, one time we had someone come here saying the FBI was following him. In fact, they were following him even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.”

Of course, I didn’t trust her enough to find out if she really was referencing me the way I thought she was.

***

Yes, I did endure some trauma that I needed to process. My most loyal friend who openly talked about a nefarious past had suddenly threatened me. Could he have had me set me up at the section 8 housing authority complex where I had been working? Additionally, I was in a ten-year emotional cutoff from my parents who were seeming connected to this threat. When the police intercepted me, manhandled me, and separated me from my car, I learned that it was my parents who had tipped them off.

As soon as I got out of the chronic unit, which could very well have prepared me for permanent warehousing, I started over again. I got a job at a daycare center and I got a dog. It was a promise I made to myself to endure the hospitalization. Something told me I would be okay with a simple life and a dog to care for. And so, I would find myself lucky to have an outlet for my generativity needs.

***

Shortly after I ran out of my month’s supply of medication from the hospital, I started to get overwhelmed by strange incidents on the streets. I lost my job. I strained to find employment and spent down most of my small savings.

Eventually, I did get a few job-offers, but I was seeing special broadcasts on the television. I was also getting sick from food I believed was being dosed with laxative powder. I reasoned the government sewed a tracking device into my dog when they fixed her. Everywhere I went I saw convincing evidence that reinforced these ideas.

An aunt said she could get me a job at an Italian Deli if I moved up closer to her. She could negotiate with my family who agreed to support me if I moved and accepted underemployment. I made the move to a town on the outskirts of the bay area.

***

My dog loved to play fetch and frisbee endlessly. I took her hiking, helped her build confidence, and she was grateful for our life together. But in the Bay Area, I had to leave her for twelve hours a day, as I biked and rode the train four-hours-a-day to work and back. Still, she never peed on the apartment rug once.

Of course, I was mad! I felt my mafia family didn’t set it up to be easy for me. It seemed like they wanted me to fail. I couldn’t count on their support if I didn’t maintain my job. I frequently accused them of being mafia and held them accountable for all my suffering.

I collected daily evidence that my apartment was being broken into. I figured either the mob or the U.S. government was walking my dog for me. I figured if they had the time to torment me in this manner, the least they could do was walk the dog for me.

But really, I was amazed my dog could be so loyal to endure twelve-hour days for me. I did everything in my power to make sure she was amply exercised. I didn’t mind when she chewed through everything I owned.

I continued to be unable to find employment outside the deli. The dozens of job-interviews I didn’t get had me convinced I was blacklisted.

Finally, after six months I got a car; then benefits came; and, finally, after ten months, I got back on medication. The level of harassment at work declined. I found work outside the Italian Deli.

***

I think it was my generativity for my dog that kept me going through the exceptionally hard situation. I was terrified of losing her. Lord knows I was not a perfect owner. I didn’t always exhibit the best judgment. On nights when I cried to my mother on the phone because mob kids had set me up to be fired, I never did get fired.

It was so humiliating to admit that what they said about me was correct, that I had schizophrenia. The corrupt world was fine if I took my medication. Suspicious deaths that happen in the section 8 housing projects can get covered up. Only my loyal dog could understand that this was wrong.

My dog lived to be sixteen and a half years. She and I grew once we got out of that Italian Deli. We had the greatest relationship and often became the envy of other dog owners at the dog parks. She was beautiful. She was loyal. She was proud of me despite what “they” said.

While everyone including the shrink that I saw just treated me like I was a drain and a bother to be around, I had a beautiful dog that needed me to care for her.

25 Comments

  • Fahad December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    i tried it on my tp-wr840n5v with no success, i got different putty logs, ( logs file: https://files.fm/u/aqmstn8t#/ ), kindly advise.

  • Karloz Buitrago December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    hello, I have a TP-LINK TL-WR940N V1.2, to which I installed DD-WRT firmware (tl-wr941nv4_webrevert.bin), I was using it as a WI-FI signal repeater for a main router without any problems, but maybe change the firmware by the ddwrt (tl-wr941nd_v2_v3-webrevert.bin), when restarting the tp-link it was no longer possible for me to access through the browser. 

    The TP-LINK turns on, all the LED lights turn on for one or two seconds, turn off, and only the power led light remains on, when the LAN cable is connected to any port, the LED light indicates that the port is connected. 

    but after that, there is no other activity of the other LED lights, there is no WI-FI signal from the TP-LINK. 

    I have made a simple reset and also Hard Reset (30/30/30) without any response in the lights, nor any other activity that indicates any response. 

    In the taskbar of WIN10, the network icon appears indicating that I am connected to the TP-LINK, but with a small yellow triangle, when making an IPCONFIG by the CMD, the answer is: 

    Automatic configuration IPv4 address: 169.254.81.208 
    Subnet mask . . . . . . . . . . . . : 255.255.0.0 
    Default Gateway . . . . . : 

    It does not show any default gateway. 

    I have also tried to PING and PING -T, placing the static IP to my computer within the subnet ranges that I have handled with the TP-LINK (pc = 192.168.0.50 and 192.1680.1 or 2 the TP-LINK), also (pc = 192.168.1.50 and 192.168.1.1 or 2 the TP-LINK), but all the responses to the ping are: 

    Ping to 192.168.0.1 with 32 bytes of data: 
    Response from 192.168.0.50: Destination host inaccessible. 

    And there he stays, repeating that answer. 

    Try to access the TP-LINK via LAN port using: 
    Hyperterminal. 
    Tftpd64 V4.60 
    Tftdp32.452 
    tftp2 
    Putty 64bit 0.70 
    Without getting any response. 

    Finally I tried to access via SERIAL port, using the same software as named above, along with a USB CABLE TO SERIAL TTL PL2303HX, using the drivers: PL2303_Prolific_DriverInstaller_v1190, but I did not receive any response, it is clear that this last case, may be due to I have not managed to firmly solder the pins to the port, since I do not know if I am correctly connecting the GND, TX and RX pins to the USB-SERIAL cable, nor do I know if I am using the software in the correct way. 

    For the pins I have supported myself on this page: 
    https://wiki.openwrt.org/toh/tp-link/tl-wr940n 

    Other data that may be useful are: 

    Win 10 64bit 
    usb-serial cable used: 
    http://www.mactronica.com.co/cable-conversor-usb-ttl-pl2303hx-100875548xJM 

    Thanks in advance for any help you can give me, please forgive my English, but I'm using Google translator, I'm from Bogota – Colombia. 

    Thank you.

  • alex games December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Hi, I have a PC with serial port. Can I connect the router to the serial port directly?
    Is there a driver in this case?

  • AugusTeR December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I have a bricked wr841n v11 that when i start it all the leds just blink for once and then turn off right after that. Can I unbrick it using this technique? And i cant tftp my router as well since i upgraded u-boot mode pepe2k.

  • narendra palla December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    is it possible to get web interface without recovery frimware and openwrt firmware

  • Edwin Díaz December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    hi ! i have a archer c9 bricket by use ddwrt you can help me, remote and if possible i pay across paypal, i has connect serial usb but cant use ctrl c for enter to cfe mode

  • Roger Desnyder December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I have a A TL-WDR5620 in Chinese I would like to change the firmware to English is it possible using this method

  • سلام سلام December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Place help me for flash Atel alr u270

  • Navdeep Tupe December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Thanks, your video is very informative.
    I have a different router TP-LINK Archer C20i, I flashed wrong ROM on it, when I Power it on, only the power light turns on and stays stable. The internet light flashes only 1 time.
    I have tried to do hard reset, tried even 30-30-30 reset, I am not sure if that works on TP Link. Any help on that?
    I have ordered the CP2102 USB to serial connector and I will try this.

  • VMAJSTER December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Hi man, when I put this command erase 0x9f020000 +0x3c0000 – I received 'clean 60 sectors' and stop at 61 % what I must do?

  • No.1Thai massage Newcastle & Pink Lane Nails December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I have tried putty boot up but it won't let me put tpl. They just stoped with the line "blockWps_proc_write 1228: write value = 0
    Please help to advise. I'm struck with the method of putty. I can't put any command into it.

  • Thieu Tu December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Thank you,following you,I finally debrick my wr841n v8.4

  • Abel Esteban de la Torre December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    For those how can't putty to router… Ensure to adjust speed, parity, etc in device manager cp2102 's properties in order to match putty.exe configuration.
    It will work with other version of cp2102, pl2303, ch341A, tested OK!
    Swap RX – TX cables, they won't hurt anything…
    In each test, power the router, it should respond in 3 to 5 seconds with the status of the router, it's a good practice to save the log for future review from putty menu.
    Again Richard Lloyd, excelent job my friend!

  • Abel Esteban de la Torre December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    EXCELENT JOB my friend!

  • asdfgh December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    It's easier to unbrick using an eeprom programmer in my opinion, but you need to know how to edit the firmware before programming it to the chip or you need someone else to do that for you.

  • Mehmet Allakbullak December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    thank you so much <3 I bought a serial connection adaptor that TTL to USB and revert my router to back original firmware. Amazing tutorial 😀

  • Peter Smith December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Hey, thanks man! good info and thanks for sharing .

  • Ehab Hamouda December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    i can not get in the tftp mode to get back to oreginal firmware can i use command to restore it

  • Julien ISNEL December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Richard Hello and thank you for this video.
    I try to unbrick a TP-LINK TL-WR841ND V10, but I desperately tries to type (fast) tpl in putty but nothing happens what?
    Thank you and excuse my english, i'm French
    Julien

  • MrVader2525 December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Thank you very much for this tutorial. I unbricked my 841n v8. Just one minor difference in the end. After cp.b 0x80000000 0x9f020000 0x3c0000 the last command in my case was bootm 0x9f020000 instead of reset. I also used stripped stock firmware from openwrt wiki. Does stripping makes difference?

  • EyeOf Dragon December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    showing eth0 link down how to fix that, i get a good serail connection, but not getting the lan worked, can i install firmware using only serial connection , i think lan ports are gone

  • serpente664 December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Thanks for tutorial, I will try to unbrick once I get tools. One question in advance: can I install/flash stock firmware right at the beginning instead of copying Opwen WRT firmware or above commands will not work?

  • Nguyễn Tấn Đạt December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    I follow exactly all steps but when I use putty after wait 30min, it still a black board …
    Plz help 🙁

    I'm using USB TO COM PL2303 module.

  • Reza December 7, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    i have a d sun usb to ttl thats also cp2102 will that work?

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