An emotional affair is an ‘affair’ in which a partner in a relationship is investing valuable time and energy in someone outside of the relationship. This takes the form of sharing profound emotional feelings, secrets, and so on with the ‘other’ person.
But these are things that should only be shared with you. So it can indeed be called an ‘affair’ and is definitely ‘cheating.’ If your husband or partner is involved in an emotional affair, you’ll discover here how to begin to trust him again…
Trust is the foundation on which any true, loving relationship is built. And everything else in your relationship grows out of that trust. For example, your feeling of being safe, the wonderful companionship you share, and even the deep love you have for one another, is built on a foundation of trust.
So the destruction of trust is the most harmful aspect of your husband’s affair, as well as being the most hurtful to you. It’s the most harmful to the healing process because it is probably the most difficult issue in the whole affair to get over. But, unless you can get over this issue with renewed trust, it can be very hard to repair the relationship.
You may well have managed, through hard work and a real commitment to repair your marriage, to have overcome other important elements in the healing process, but, you can’t seem to rid your head of the feeling that you can’t trust him to not make a fool of you again. However, you must fix this lack of trust in order to move forward in the healing process, and not let it become a serious impediment to your hoped-for outcome.
This won’t be easy, but it needn’t be so difficult as you think when you have the following information at your fingertips…
Emotional Affair Recovery — the 5 Forms of Trust
The first thing to realize is that ‘trust’ isn’t a black-and-white issue. For example, trust isn’t just the “how can I ever trust him again?” feeling. There are several forms of trust, all of which work together to form the overall sense of trust you feel for someone you love. And what may surprise you right now, is that once you know what these are, you’ll probably recognize that some of these are already in place in your marriage or relationship.
There are 5 different forms of trust that relationship expert Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D., has identified in his book “How to Survive an Affair” that you need to consider. These are; fidelity, truthfulness, emotional stability, physical safety and financial trust…
Fidelity. This is the one that is probably blocking your way to complete the healing process. But be reassured that as your husband continues to show you real signs of good behaviour, you will begin to trust him in this area. And the other steps below will help you on this path.
Truthfulness. You’re thinking “how can I believe anything he says?” Well, you believe him in other areas of your life, like when he says he’ll drop the kids off at school, he’ll get the groceries, he’ll arrange this or that, etc. You’re problem is, can you believe him when he says he was working late, etc? So it isn’t that you can’t believe ‘anything’ he says, just anything that is directly connected to the affair. This is a good thing because you both now know exactly what needs to be worked on.
Emotional stability or predictability. This aspect is often not understood or appreciated so is often taken for granted. Stable and predictable behaviour is important in a loving marriage or relationship. Because you know how your husband reacts you can ‘trust’ him in any given situation to react in a predictable way that is calm and non-threatening. This is a form of trust.
Physical safety. This clearly is a very important form of trust in any marriage or relationship. Feeling safe with your husband no matter how difficult things become, is a very strong form of trust. Many women in abusive relationships can never feel that trust in their partner. And it can be mental abuse. So, being able to have complete trust in your husband / partner in this area is hugely important in the healing process.
Financial security. This is another form of trust that is often overlooked. Particularly in long-term relationships, couples often pool their financial resources in joint bank accounts, etc. And these are very often very successful, where each partner completely trusts the other with their financial affairs. And given how important financial stability is in this life, you can see just how important this form of trust is in a marriage or relationship.
By considering the above forms of trust I’m sure you’ll have seen that there is more ‘trust’ in the relationship then you had imagined. And you’ll be able to pinpoint the real area(s) of trust that needs to be worked on; which is a good thing. But it will take time and real commitment on both your parts…